Where are all the jokes?

[Realrocknrolla]

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

[wearthefoxhat]

A mate of mine is on the Tourette's diet. He swears by it.

[paspuggie48]

A mate of mine is on the Tourette's diet. He swears by it.

[ANGELS15]

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

It must have been the same 3 guys sharing a bed. They make an agreement if anyone farts they should warn the others by shaking the blanket and shouting out 'the army of occupation is on it's way!' Later in the night one of the 3 farts, shakes the blanket and shouts 'the army of occupation is on it's way!'. A hour or so later a second guy farts and does the same. Quite late in the night the 3rd guy feels a massive surge in his guts shakes the blanket and shouts out 'the army of occupation has arrived!'.

[sniffer66]

England are currently 7/1 to win Euro 2020.

For those of my friends who don't understand betting odds, that means if you put £20 on England to win the tournament, you'll lose £20.

[Euler]

England are currently 7/1 to win Euro 2020.

For those of my friends who don't understand betting odds, that means if you put £20 on England to win the tournament, you'll lose £20.

I'm warming up my bi-annual line ready for use after the first match. You know what... We could win this.

[Dallas]

England are currently 7/1 to win Euro 2020.

For those of my friends who don't understand betting odds, that means if you put £20 on England to win the tournament, you'll lose £20.

Thats a good one

[sniffer66]

England are currently 7/1 to win Euro 2020.

For those of my friends who don't understand betting odds, that means if you put £20 on England to win the tournament, you'll lose £20.

Thats a good one

If you're quick the commemorative Harry Kane Euro 2020 tea tray is still in stock. Apparently it can carry 10 mugs

[Euler]

Who can drink 2 litres of gasoline?

....Jerry can

[eatyourgreens]

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac?


He lay awake in bed at night wondering if there really is a dog!

[Derek27]

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

I've just tried that joke with a mate, over the phone. He said it's as old as the hills.

I found it hilarious and never heard it before.

[mgrant]

Horse walks into a bar,the barman says...why the long face??

[Derek27]

Horse walks into a bar,the barman says...why the long face??

Decades of alcohol abuse is beginning to take its toll on my memory, but I think I may have heard that one before.

[sniffer66]

Horse walks into a bar,the barman says...why the long face??

A white horse walks into a bar and the barman says "We've a whisky named after you !"

Horse replies, "What ? Eric ?"

[weemac]

Two cows in a field. One cow says: "Moooo."

The other one says: "I was just going to say that."