The beer garden

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Derek27
Posts: 23477
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

I just found a book about the history of flat racing (fuck knows what it was doing in a school library) that's due to be returned on 08-10-82. They should have used a four-figure year. :D
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Derek27
Posts: 23477
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

Doing a bit of a clearout. Just found my Youth Training Scheme graduation certificate.

Communications: Has shown improvement of written and oral English, telephone skills, interview techniques, letter writing and comprehension, form filling, group discussions. What bollocks! I could barely put two words together. :lol: :lol:
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Derek27
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Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

A letter from my P.E. teacher to my parents: Unfortunately because Derrick has consistently been insolent and disobedient I must now refer the matter to a higher authority. :lol: :lol:
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Derek27
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Location: UK

I've found two GCE certificates. I'll keep them in the toilet in case I run out of bog roll. :D
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Derek27
Posts: 23477
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

I'm into 1982 now. I've just been subjected to Musical Youth but I'll pop out for a fag before Renee & Renato comes on next. :D
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Derek27
Posts: 23477
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

I've spent the year going through all the songs in the top 100 since my birth, and this is the worst I've come across so far. I remember at the time the Radio One DJ would apologise to have to report to listeners that it's climbed the charts. :lol:

If it helps, the songs about a new dad talking to his baby. :|

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoZNbVG ... 8&index=44
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Derek27
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Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

A lot of the pop stars I wanked over as a teenager - I now look back and wonder why. But Bananarama is an exception. :D
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Derek27
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Location: UK

I gather from the by-election there's a Rejoin EU party. That's being hopeful. :lol:
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Derek27
Posts: 23477
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

I've spent my entire life opening jars for women, but for the first time ever, I've got a fat jar of jalapenos that I can't open!

My natural instinct was to reach for my toolbox but the jar's too wide for mole grips. Smashing the jar open or drilling through the top would be a health hazard and contaminate the jalapenos. Still working on it but I realise now how tough life must be for single women. :lol:
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Derek27
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Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

After all that thinking just another go with the old teatowel grip did the trick. :D
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Kai
Posts: 6099
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:21 pm

Derek27 wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 6:26 am
I've spent my entire life opening jars for women, but for the first time ever, I've got a fat jar of jalapenos that I can't open!

My natural instinct was to reach for my toolbox but the jar's too wide for mole grips. Smashing the jar open or drilling through the top would be a health hazard and contaminate the jalapenos.
As a professional jar opener my advice would be to just pop the tight vacuum seal, I usually try and stick a knife under the lid or tap the lid a few times with a wooden spoon until it pops 👍

Works every time unless there are beautiful single women present in which case it somehow embarrassingly won't work and you'll look like an idiot. So what you do in those situations is take a rubber band and wrap it around the lid before twisting it, you will not only appear clever but this will also prove how firm and manly your grip is to everyone present, sometimes even the men.
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Derek27
Posts: 23477
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

Kai wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 10:40 am
Derek27 wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 6:26 am
I've spent my entire life opening jars for women, but for the first time ever, I've got a fat jar of jalapenos that I can't open!

My natural instinct was to reach for my toolbox but the jar's too wide for mole grips. Smashing the jar open or drilling through the top would be a health hazard and contaminate the jalapenos.
As a professional jar opener my advice would be to just pop the tight vacuum seal, I usually try and stick a knife under the lid or tap the lid a few times with a wooden spoon until it pops 👍

Works every time unless there are beautiful single women present in which case it somehow embarrassingly won't work and you'll look like an idiot. So what you do in those situations is take a rubber band and wrap it around the lid before twisting it, you will not only appear clever but this will also prove how firm and manly your grip is to everyone present, sometimes even the men.
Thanks for the tip. I've always felt when women ask you to open a jar they really want to see if you're the right man for them and can satisfy all their needs. :D
greenmark
Posts: 4948
Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:15 pm

Derek27 wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 5:01 pm
Kai wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 10:40 am
Derek27 wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 6:26 am
I've spent my entire life opening jars for women, but for the first time ever, I've got a fat jar of jalapenos that I can't open!

My natural instinct was to reach for my toolbox but the jar's too wide for mole grips. Smashing the jar open or drilling through the top would be a health hazard and contaminate the jalapenos.
As a professional jar opener my advice would be to just pop the tight vacuum seal, I usually try and stick a knife under the lid or tap the lid a few times with a wooden spoon until it pops 👍

Works every time unless there are beautiful single women present in which case it somehow embarrassingly won't work and you'll look like an idiot. So what you do in those situations is take a rubber band and wrap it around the lid before twisting it, you will not only appear clever but this will also prove how firm and manly your grip is to everyone present, sometimes even the men.
Thanks for the tip. I've always felt when women ask you to open a jar they really want to see if you're the right man for them and can satisfy all their needs. :D
Or perhaps they see you as a jar-opener.
Trader Pat
Posts: 4327
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:50 pm

Derek27 wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 5:01 pm
Kai wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 10:40 am
Derek27 wrote:
Fri Dec 03, 2021 6:26 am
I've spent my entire life opening jars for women, but for the first time ever, I've got a fat jar of jalapenos that I can't open!

My natural instinct was to reach for my toolbox but the jar's too wide for mole grips. Smashing the jar open or drilling through the top would be a health hazard and contaminate the jalapenos.
As a professional jar opener my advice would be to just pop the tight vacuum seal, I usually try and stick a knife under the lid or tap the lid a few times with a wooden spoon until it pops 👍

Works every time unless there are beautiful single women present in which case it somehow embarrassingly won't work and you'll look like an idiot. So what you do in those situations is take a rubber band and wrap it around the lid before twisting it, you will not only appear clever but this will also prove how firm and manly your grip is to everyone present, sometimes even the men.
Thanks for the tip. I've always felt when women ask you to open a jar they really want to see if you're the right man for them and can satisfy all their needs. :D
I'll be sure to flick through the Kama Sutra later on to see what position requires the ability to open a jar :D
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Derek27
Posts: 23477
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

The Porto v Braga match seemed missing from the market list, but after spending some time investigating I discovered it's in Portugal, which is near but not in Spain. :)
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