Where are all the jokes?
A gunshot was fired in a stadium yesterday : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ja8L9bnh50
A guy's about to enter a pub when he's stopped by a nun. She says, "Don't go in there, alcohol is evil and will rot your brain".
The guy says to the nun, "Have you ever in your life drunk alcohol?"
"No, obviously not", replies the nun.
"Well how do you know what it does? I'll buy you a drink, try it, and if you don't like it, at least then you can speak about the effects of alcohol".
"Fair enough" she replied. "What do women drink?"
"Gin".
"Okay, I'll have a gin, but put it in a cup so nobody can see what it is".
So the guy goes up to the bar and asks the barman, "I'll have a pint of bitter and a shot of gin, but put the gin in a cup please".
The barman replies, "Don't tell me that bloody nun's back again?".
The guy says to the nun, "Have you ever in your life drunk alcohol?"
"No, obviously not", replies the nun.
"Well how do you know what it does? I'll buy you a drink, try it, and if you don't like it, at least then you can speak about the effects of alcohol".
"Fair enough" she replied. "What do women drink?"
"Gin".
"Okay, I'll have a gin, but put it in a cup so nobody can see what it is".
So the guy goes up to the bar and asks the barman, "I'll have a pint of bitter and a shot of gin, but put the gin in a cup please".
The barman replies, "Don't tell me that bloody nun's back again?".
A priest is moved to a small village he's unfamiliar with. At his first confession, a woman goes into the confession box and confesses, "I went to a party over the weekend, we all had a lot to drink and at the end of the night I tripped up".
"That's understandable" said the priest. "Especially if you've been drinking. Just one Hail Mary".
The next woman comes in and says, my neighbour invited me round for a meal while my husband was at a work do, and I tripped up.
"Don't worry" said the priest. Just say a Hail Mary.
A third woman comes in and says, "I tripped up three times last week while my husband was away visiting his mother".
By now, the priest was scratching his head, wondering why women were so concerned about tripping up, but concerned that somebody might get injured, he decided to visit the local builder.
"Are you the man responsible for the maintenance of the pavements in this village?".
"Yes Father, I am", he replied.
"You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself, with the number of women tripping up in this village".
"You don't understand Father", he said to the priest. "It's just a figure of speech in this village".
"A figure of speech? Is that all it is?", the priest replied. "Wasn't it your own wife that tripped up three times the other week?"
"That's understandable" said the priest. "Especially if you've been drinking. Just one Hail Mary".
The next woman comes in and says, my neighbour invited me round for a meal while my husband was at a work do, and I tripped up.
"Don't worry" said the priest. Just say a Hail Mary.
A third woman comes in and says, "I tripped up three times last week while my husband was away visiting his mother".
By now, the priest was scratching his head, wondering why women were so concerned about tripping up, but concerned that somebody might get injured, he decided to visit the local builder.
"Are you the man responsible for the maintenance of the pavements in this village?".
"Yes Father, I am", he replied.
"You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself, with the number of women tripping up in this village".
"You don't understand Father", he said to the priest. "It's just a figure of speech in this village".
"A figure of speech? Is that all it is?", the priest replied. "Wasn't it your own wife that tripped up three times the other week?"
