WIFE: Rate me on a scale of 1 to 10
HUSBAND: Can I use fractions?
Where are all the jokes?
After hitting the ground, Putin and Kim Jong-un find themselves in hell and notice a phone in reception. The devil allows them to make one call each. Putin phones Moscow and talks for 5 minutes. He receives a bill for $50,000. Then Kim Jong-un phones Pyongyang, talks for 2 hours and gets billed $10.
Putin goes ballistic and asks the devil why Kim Jong-un's call was so cheap. The devil replies, "It was a local call".
Putin goes ballistic and asks the devil why Kim Jong-un's call was so cheap. The devil replies, "It was a local call".
A man dies and arrives at Heaven. As he's standing at the Pearly Gates, he notices a huge wall of clocks behind St Peter.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks, every time someone tells a lie, the hands on their clock move."
"Oh! Whose clock is that?" He says pointing.
"That's Mother Theresa's clock, its hands have never moved."
"Wow! And whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock, its hands have only moved twice."
The man asks, "Where is Boris Johnson's clock?"
St Peter replies, "We're using it as a ceiling fan."
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter replied, "Those are lie clocks, every time someone tells a lie, the hands on their clock move."
"Oh! Whose clock is that?" He says pointing.
"That's Mother Theresa's clock, its hands have never moved."
"Wow! And whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock, its hands have only moved twice."
The man asks, "Where is Boris Johnson's clock?"
St Peter replies, "We're using it as a ceiling fan."
Russia has had all their fuel trucks blown up so Putin phoned Xi Jinping and asks, "Can I have 13,000 gallons of diesel for 50 of my T-72 tanks"?
Jinping replies, "That sounds a fair swap to me".
(An adaption of the old Lada joke ).
Jinping replies, "That sounds a fair swap to me".
(An adaption of the old Lada joke
).
Last edited by Derek27 on Mon Mar 28, 2022 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
Trader Pat
- Posts: 4327
- Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:50 pm
-
eatyourgreens
- Posts: 243
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 12:53 am
I was going to post this in the "ukraine crisis", but thought this would be a better place :-
Russia and China have just announced they are going to "build a new democratic world order"
FFS!
Russia and China have just announced they are going to "build a new democratic world order"
FFS!
Apparently, both Russia and China are democracies because they claim democracy is in the eye of the beholder and they decide what they want their citizens to believe, and even put it into law!eatyourgreens wrote: ↑Wed Mar 30, 2022 9:25 pmI was going to post this in the "ukraine crisis", but thought this would be a better place :-
Russia and China have just announced they are going to "build a new democratic world order"
FFS!