This is the "offside rule" explained for women:
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!
BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!
Where are all the jokes?
A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer, while the barman pours the beer he ask whats your name, duck replies its Huey, the barman then asks what did you do today, Huey replies I was in and out of pudles all day. Sounds like fun, it was said Huey.
A few minutes later another duck comes in sits next to Huey and asks the barman for a beer, The barman asks the duck his name and he replies its Hewey, Barman asks Hewey what he did all day, He replies I had a great day I was in and out of puddles all day, sounds like you had fun, Hewey said best day ever.
Moments later another duck walks in and before he can say anything the barman says, let me guess your name is Louie and you've had a great day and you've been in and out of puddles all day. The duck says no my name is Puddles and you really dont want to know the sort of day I've had
A few minutes later another duck comes in sits next to Huey and asks the barman for a beer, The barman asks the duck his name and he replies its Hewey, Barman asks Hewey what he did all day, He replies I had a great day I was in and out of puddles all day, sounds like you had fun, Hewey said best day ever.
Moments later another duck walks in and before he can say anything the barman says, let me guess your name is Louie and you've had a great day and you've been in and out of puddles all day. The duck says no my name is Puddles and you really dont want to know the sort of day I've had
-
Trader Pat
- Posts: 4327
- Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:50 pm
-
Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
lol -so true i'd bet...
There was 3 lunatics in a lunatic asylum .. the governor calls them in the office one by one ..
gov says right im letting you out for 2 weeks and i want you to find out all you can about spiders ..
and if you answer my questions correct you can go free
so they all go out and come back after 2 weeks .. 1st lunatic goes in the office .. gov says what you learned
Spiders spin webs he replied ... very good says the gov off you go have a great life
2nd lunatic goes in, Gov says ok what you learned , he replies they have 8 legs ... very good says gov off you go have a great life .
3rd lunatic goes in ,Gov says what you learned , he replies watch this , the lunatic puts the spider at the end of the table,
holds his hand out shouts come on Boris and the little spider runs along the table jumps onto the lunatics hand ,
Gov says that doesnt prove anything , so the lunatic places the spider at the end of the table pulls all its legs off
and shouts come on Boris but the spider makes no move ... the Gov says what does this prove ...
The lunatic says spiders go deaf when you pull all their legs off
gov says right im letting you out for 2 weeks and i want you to find out all you can about spiders ..
and if you answer my questions correct you can go free
so they all go out and come back after 2 weeks .. 1st lunatic goes in the office .. gov says what you learned
Spiders spin webs he replied ... very good says the gov off you go have a great life
2nd lunatic goes in, Gov says ok what you learned , he replies they have 8 legs ... very good says gov off you go have a great life .
3rd lunatic goes in ,Gov says what you learned , he replies watch this , the lunatic puts the spider at the end of the table,
holds his hand out shouts come on Boris and the little spider runs along the table jumps onto the lunatics hand ,
Gov says that doesnt prove anything , so the lunatic places the spider at the end of the table pulls all its legs off
and shouts come on Boris but the spider makes no move ... the Gov says what does this prove ...
The lunatic says spiders go deaf when you pull all their legs off
-
wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3219
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
Tough times. I've just heard my local Origami business has folded.
Three monkeys escape from a scientific research laboratory. After a day walking they decide to split up. The first monkey says "I'm having a night on the town". The second monkey says "I'm gonna find a woodland to live in". The third monkey says "I'm going back to the laboratory".
"What you're doing that for you idiot?", says the other two monkeys.
"I haven't had a fag all day".
"What you're doing that for you idiot?", says the other two monkeys.
"I haven't had a fag all day".
