Where are all the jokes?
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wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3219
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
I’ve signed up for a ‘reverse origami’ class. I wonder how that will unfold.
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 622
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
- Location: South-West
I missed the finals of the World Hairdressing Championships on TV last night.
Anyone know if they’ll be showing the highlights?
Anyone know if they’ll be showing the highlights?
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 622
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
- Location: South-West
13 out of 12 people don’t know what a Baker’s Dozen is !!
A guy dies and goes to hell. On arrival he's met by the devil who says 'we've got a special on, you can choose your own torture once you've chosen it you're stuck with it for all eternity'. The guy thinks 'that's not so bad'. They pass a room of people being prodded with red hot pokers. The guy cries out 'no no not this'. They go to the next room where people are being roasted on spits. Again the guy says 'no no'. They then come to a cave where there's people up to their waists in shit drinking tea. The guy says 'I'll take this one'. He's just settled with his tea when a demon walks in and shouts 'right you lot tea break's over back on your heads again!'.
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 622
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
- Location: South-West
So I just got a new job and my mate asked me: "What sort of hours are you doing?"
I said: "Sixty minute ones!"
I said: "Sixty minute ones!"
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
He had a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again......back and forth....in and out.......She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near to the end…
...her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
"Okay, Okay!!! I can't park the car!!! You do it, you smug flipping asshole!!!"
...her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
"Okay, Okay!!! I can't park the car!!! You do it, you smug flipping asshole!!!"
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
That was an old one!
still find the old tommy cooper ones never age..
I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?”, He said: “How flexible are you?”, I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
OR:
I was in a cemetery the other day and noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin; three hours later they were still walking about.
I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"!
I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?”, He said: “How flexible are you?”, I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
OR:
I was in a cemetery the other day and noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin; three hours later they were still walking about.
I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"!
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
4 former US Presidents are caught in a tornado
Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.
After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I ... think I need a brain".
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.
After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I ... think I need a brain".
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
Realrocknrolla wrote: ↑Wed Oct 06, 2021 4:50 pm4 former US Presidents are caught in a tornado
Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.
After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I ... think I need a brain".
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
https://upjoke.com/bill-clinton-jokes