Where are all the jokes?

[paspuggie48]

LIFE HACK:

You can turn your ordinary sofa into a sofa bed by simply forgetting your wife's birthday.

[Euler]

[Euler]

Just got back from the supermarket. Saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 Paellas and 3 Sombreros.

I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.

[Realrocknrolla]

I wake up at around 7am to hear this pounding at my door as if it’s about to cave in

So I open the door and I see this 6ft cockroach. Before I can even ask him how’s he doing he picks me up and flings me across the hallway of my house. Moving at rapid speed he’s got me in a headlock and delivers some devastating punches. I’m gutted to say I passed out from the sheer pain. Next day when I came to I popped to the doctor to make sure no lasting damage had been done. Doctor sees me and asks what’s happened because I’m absolutely ragged with a black eye and severe bruising so I tell him about the cockroach. Doctor then says ‘oh yeah you want to be careful mate. There’s a nasty bug going about’.

[paspuggie48]

I wake up at around 7am to hear this pounding at my door as if it’s about to cave in

So I open the door and I see this 6ft cockroach. Before I can even ask him how’s he doing he picks me up and flings me across the hallway of my house. Moving at rapid speed he’s got me in a headlock and delivers some devastating punches. I’m gutted to say I passed out from the sheer pain. Next day when I came to I popped to the doctor to make sure no lasting damage had been done. Doctor sees me and asks what’s happened because I’m absolutely ragged with a black eye and severe bruising so I tell him about the cockroach. Doctor then says ‘oh yeah you want to be careful mate. There’s a nasty bug going about’.

Bet he was one of those 24 hour bugs !

[Realrocknrolla]

I wake up at around 7am to hear this pounding at my door as if it’s about to cave in

So I open the door and I see this 6ft cockroach. Before I can even ask him how’s he doing he picks me up and flings me across the hallway of my house. Moving at rapid speed he’s got me in a headlock and delivers some devastating punches. I’m gutted to say I passed out from the sheer pain. Next day when I came to I popped to the doctor to make sure no lasting damage had been done. Doctor sees me and asks what’s happened because I’m absolutely ragged with a black eye and severe bruising so I tell him about the cockroach. Doctor then says ‘oh yeah you want to be careful mate. There’s a nasty bug going about’.

Bet he was one of those 24 hour bugs !

[sniffer66]

Just got back from the supermarket. Saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 Paellas and 3 Sombreros.

I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.

Which reminds me...

Many people are surprised how good Iberian tattoo artists are when they holiday there.


No-one expects the Spanish Ink Precision.

[wearthefoxhat]

I’ve stopped taking abseiling lessons. My instructor kept letting me down.

[paspuggie48]

I’ve stopped taking abseiling lessons. My instructor kept letting me down.

[paspuggie48]

I once sat next to Tina Turner at a tennis tournament !

I don't think she understood the scoring system. She kept asking, “What’s love got to do with it?”

[paspuggie48]

So I took the missus to a really trendy nightclub last night.

The doorman said to her, "Sorry ma’am, I can’t let you in, you've had too many !"

She said, "What, drinks?"

He said, "No, birthdays !"

[paspuggie48]

My obese parrot died yesterday...

It is sad...but it is a huge weight off my shoulders !

[sniffer66]

My obese parrot died yesterday...

It is sad...but it is a huge weight off my shoulders !

I just told that in the car. Got a good laugh

[paspuggie48]

My obese parrot died yesterday...

It is sad...but it is a huge weight off my shoulders !

I just told that in the car. Got a good laugh

[paspuggie48]

My daughter got tattoos of a heart, a spade, a club and a diamond, against my wishes.

...I'll deal with her later !