Where are all the jokes?
Two guys are talking at a Party one asks the other what he does, he replies I am a Heart Surgeon, Wow the other guy said I do a similar job, I am a mechanic but my pay is nowhere near what you get, The surgeon says that's nothing like my job!! The mechanic says you replace the heart and I replace engines ( the heart of the car). The surgeon pauses and says do you replace the engine with the engine running?
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wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3219
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
I once tried to learn to play violin, but I found it all too fiddly.
Two friends had been called up for the army. They were desperate to get out of it. They were trying to find a way out when one said 'I know! If there's something wrong with you they wont take you'. The friend says 'but there's nothing wrong with us?' His friend says 'we'll knock our teeth out, they'll surely release us'.
They knock their teeth out, a very painful business. They arrive at the army centre and see a sign saying 'medical or other disabilities'. There's a group of men standing near it. Suddenly a sargeant appears and screams at them all to line up. The two friends try to stand next to one another but this huge bloke keeps getting in their way so they have to stand either side of him.
The sargeant approaches the man on the end, 'what's wrong with you?' 'I've only got one leg' the man says. The sargeant runs his hand down the guy's leg and sure enough it's artifical. 'Ok you can go'. He approaches the first friend 'and you?' the guy points to his mouth, the sargeant runs his finger along the guy's gums, 'ok you can go'. He comes to the big bloke, the bloke says 'piles sarge' The sargeant sticks his finger up the guy's arse and says 'yes you can go'. He then comes to the other friend and points at him 'and what's wrong with you?' 'nnnn nothing!
They knock their teeth out, a very painful business. They arrive at the army centre and see a sign saying 'medical or other disabilities'. There's a group of men standing near it. Suddenly a sargeant appears and screams at them all to line up. The two friends try to stand next to one another but this huge bloke keeps getting in their way so they have to stand either side of him.
The sargeant approaches the man on the end, 'what's wrong with you?' 'I've only got one leg' the man says. The sargeant runs his hand down the guy's leg and sure enough it's artifical. 'Ok you can go'. He approaches the first friend 'and you?' the guy points to his mouth, the sargeant runs his finger along the guy's gums, 'ok you can go'. He comes to the big bloke, the bloke says 'piles sarge' The sargeant sticks his finger up the guy's arse and says 'yes you can go'. He then comes to the other friend and points at him 'and what's wrong with you?' 'nnnn nothing!
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
Had to read this twice before I 'got it!' - no wonder I struggle to trade!ANGELS15 wrote: ↑Wed Dec 29, 2021 5:21 pmTwo friends had been called up for the army. They were desperate to get out of it. They were trying to find a way out when one said 'I know! If there's something wrong with you they wont take you'. The friend says 'but there's nothing wrong with us?' His friend says 'we'll knock our teeth out, they'll surely release us'.
They knock their teeth out, a very painful business. They arrive at the army centre and see a sign saying 'medical or other disabilities'. There's a group of men standing near it. Suddenly a sargeant appears and screams at them all to line up. The two friends try to stand next to one another but this huge bloke keeps getting in their way so they have to stand either side of him.
The sargeant approaches the man on the end, 'what's wrong with you?' 'I've only got one leg' the man says. The sargeant runs his hand down the guy's leg and sure enough it's artifical. 'Ok you can go'. He approaches the first friend 'and you?' the guy points to his mouth, the sargeant runs his finger along the guy's gums, 'ok you can go'. He comes to the big bloke, the bloke says 'piles sarge' The sargeant sticks his finger up the guy's arse and says 'yes you can go'. He then comes to the other friend and points at him 'and what's wrong with you?' 'nnnn nothing!
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
Why are BetFair Traders so good at sex?
Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.
Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.
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wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3219
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
I went for dinner at Uri Geller's house last night; I spilled soup all down my shirt.
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wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3219
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
I went to the paint store as I was told I could get thinner there. It didn't work.
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sionascaig
- Posts: 1072
- Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 9:38 am
"They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now."
RIP Bob Monkhouse...
RIP Bob Monkhouse...
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
Realrocknrolla wrote: ↑Thu Dec 30, 2021 10:47 amWhy are BetFair Traders so good at sex?
Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
sionascaig wrote: ↑Sat Jan 08, 2022 9:03 am"They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now."
RIP Bob Monkhouse...
Very sad day for dadjoke enthusiasts, RIP king of dadjokes Bob Saget
https://twitter.com/BrotherHQ/status/14 ... 3911666691
https://twitter.com/BrotherHQ/status/14 ... 3911666691
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
