sionascaig wrote: ↑Sat Jan 08, 2022 9:03 am"They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now."
RIP Bob Monkhouse...
Where are all the jokes?
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
Very sad day for dadjoke enthusiasts, RIP king of dadjokes Bob Saget
https://twitter.com/BrotherHQ/status/14 ... 3911666691
https://twitter.com/BrotherHQ/status/14 ... 3911666691
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
In a shock move, the England and Wales Cricket Board have announced Novak Djokovic as the new batting coach for the English team.
In an annoucement the board stated, "We acknowledge that Mr Djokovic does not have a background in our sport but we could not overlook the fact it took Australia nearly two weeks to get him out. Our batsmen need to learn this."
In an annoucement the board stated, "We acknowledge that Mr Djokovic does not have a background in our sport but we could not overlook the fact it took Australia nearly two weeks to get him out. Our batsmen need to learn this."
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wearthefoxhat
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I bought one of those pet vacuum cleaners last week. I’ve been done - neither the dog nor the cat will use it.
A shark is swimming along when it spots a squid. The shark says 'squid you don't look too well' and grabs the squid. The shark is swimming along with the squid in it's mouth when it spots another shark swimming towards it. As the other shark approaches the first shark says 'hey here's that sick squid I owe you'.
I bought one as well but the cat didn't like being hoovered.wearthefoxhat wrote: ↑Wed Jan 19, 2022 3:39 pmI bought one of those pet vacuum cleaners last week. I’ve been done - neither the dog nor the cat will use it.
Bill goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I have decided to get castrated." The doc is amazed and says to Bill. "What? With your reputation? Why down at the pub they reckon you would screw a split tennis ball on the half volley!" "Not any more," says Bill, "That was before I was married. I have discussed it with my wife and we agree that it will improve our marriage." "Well', says the doc, "It's your decision."
After the operation, Bill is lying in recovery and wakes to see another patient in the next bed. "What are you in for?" asks Bill. "I've just been circumsized." replies the other patient. "Damn," says Bill, "I knew it started with a c."
Galilee66
After the operation, Bill is lying in recovery and wakes to see another patient in the next bed. "What are you in for?" asks Bill. "I've just been circumsized." replies the other patient. "Damn," says Bill, "I knew it started with a c."
Galilee66
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
Though trading can be somewhat precarious, I BEG you - with jokes like that - DON'T give up the 'day job!' LOLANGELS15 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 19, 2022 4:07 pmA shark is swimming along when it spots a squid. The shark says 'squid you don't look too well' and grabs the squid. The shark is swimming along with the squid in it's mouth when it spots another shark swimming towards it. As the other shark approaches the first shark says 'hey here's that sick squid I owe you'.
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
Nice. However, I'd have fleshed (pardon the pun!) it out a bit to more fully explain the difference...Galilee66 wrote: ↑Thu Jan 20, 2022 11:27 amBill goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, I have decided to get castrated." The doc is amazed and says to Bill. "What? With your reputation? Why down at the pub they reckon you would screw a split tennis ball on the half volley!" "Not any more," says Bill, "That was before I was married. I have discussed it with my wife and we agree that it will improve our marriage." "Well', says the doc, "It's your decision."
After the operation, Bill is lying in recovery and wakes to see another patient in the next bed. "What are you in for?" asks Bill. "I've just been circumsized." replies the other patient. "Damn," says Bill, "I knew it started with a c."
Galilee66