Where are all the jokes?

Relax and chat about anything not covered elsewhere.
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Olive00
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2021 1:10 pm

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
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wearthefoxhat
Posts: 3205
Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am

I came last in an onion peeling competition yesterday. I had a feeling it would end in tears.
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paspuggie48
Posts: 611
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

A turkey is about to cross the road.

Suddenly a chicken appears and says, "don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it."
Dr Ginhog
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:10 am
Location: Ballygarvan,Cork Ireland T12D2VR
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Derek27
Posts: 23471
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

Dr Ginhog wrote:
Tue Nov 16, 2021 10:02 am
We have all done it to some degree :lol:

https://me.me/i/the-wife-said-heres-20- ... t-22801433
That dog doesn't look too happy. :lol:
Dr Ginhog
Posts: 260
Joined: Wed Nov 03, 2010 12:10 am
Location: Ballygarvan,Cork Ireland T12D2VR
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Hi

Yeah the dog aint happy but you should have seen the wifes face :D

That link is maybe faulty. heres a screenshot version.
beer_money.png
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wearthefoxhat
Posts: 3205
Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am

The barmaid at our local pub has just had her nipple pierced. I really am useless at darts.
sniffer66
Posts: 1666
Joined: Thu May 02, 2019 8:37 am

"Dad, why is my sister called Teresa ?".

"Cos it's an anagram of Easter and your Mum loves Easter".

"Thanks Dad".

"No problem, Alan"
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jimibt
Posts: 3641
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2015 6:42 pm
Location: Narnia

sniffer66 wrote:
Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:51 pm
"Dad, why is my sister called Teresa ?".

"Cos it's an anagram of Easter and your Mum loves Easter".

"Thanks Dad".

"No problem, Alan"
took me a few seconds, but coffee safely spat all over desk :D
sniffer66
Posts: 1666
Joined: Thu May 02, 2019 8:37 am

jimibt wrote:
Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:54 pm
sniffer66 wrote:
Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:51 pm
"Dad, why is my sister called Teresa ?".

"Cos it's an anagram of Easter and your Mum loves Easter".

"Thanks Dad".

"No problem, Alan"
took me a few seconds, but coffee safely spat all over desk :D
:D :D
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paspuggie48
Posts: 611
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

Her: I'm leaving you!
Him: Is it because I act like I know everything?
Her: Yes!
Him: I knew it!
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Derek27
Posts: 23471
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

sniffer66 wrote:
Thu Nov 18, 2021 12:51 pm
"Dad, why is my sister called Teresa ?".

"Cos it's an anagram of Easter and your Mum loves Easter".

"Thanks Dad".

"No problem, Alan"
That was posted further down the thread. :)
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paspuggie48
Posts: 611
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

I know this is a show-off message, but I had to share !

You work hard all your life and you are doing so well you can treat yourself right?

I can't express the happiness I'm feeling now...

White was the only colour available but it doesn't matter...

...I'm now the proud owner of these 4 chairs !!

Screenshot 2021-11-21 093528.png
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paspuggie48
Posts: 611
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

Woke up this morning to find the missus wasn't in bed.

So I went downstairs to find a note she had stuck on the fridge door, saying "This isn't working. Goodbye."

But when I tried opened the door, it was working perfectly fine. I don't get it !
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paspuggie48
Posts: 611
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

My wife left left me a couple of days ago. She said she was going out for milk and never came back.

My mate came round to console me and asked me how I was coping...

I said, "Not bad. I've been using some of that powdered stuff".
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