Where are all the jokes?

[Derek27]

I was salmonned to jury service.

[ANGELS15]

A man had two pet monkeys that he was very fond of. One day they were both killed in a tragic accident. The man was griefstricken. A friend of his noticing the state he was in suggested 'Instead of burying them why not get them stuffed so you can remember them forever?' The man brought them to a taxidermist who said 'Would you like them mounted?' The man says 'no just holding hands will do'.

[wearthefoxhat]

Those energy-saving light bulbs are nonsense - it takes just as long to change them as the old type.

[paspuggie48]

If you hear any good fish puns, let minnow.

Ahh, you’re Krill-ing me!

The obvious plaice for such quips !

[Korattt]

I went to the pub Saturday night, they had a Halloween Fancy Dress competition, my missus won it & she only came in to pick me up

[Kai]

[sniffer66]

Just heard they are bringing out a new Bond film next year, especially for the woke\LGBT brigade.

Bond starts out as a man but by the end of the film has transgendered to a woman.

"Cock to Pussy" is scheduled for release in 2022

[wearthefoxhat]

Dr1.png

Dr2.png

[jimibt]

Just heard they are bringing out a new Bond film next year, especially for the woke\LGBT brigade.

Bond starts out as a man but by the end of the film has transgendered to a woman.

"Cock to Pussy" is scheduled for release in 2022

so, are you saying that the character starts of firm and upright and ends up a complete wet??

[paspuggie48]

Our dog ate a bunch of Scrabble squares, so we took him to the vet.

They think he'll be okay...but there's no word yet !

[Olive00]

A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"

[wearthefoxhat]

I came last in an onion peeling competition yesterday. I had a feeling it would end in tears.

[paspuggie48]

A turkey is about to cross the road.

Suddenly a chicken appears and says, "don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it."

[Dr Ginhog]

We have all done it to some degree

https://me.me/i/the-wife-said-heres-20- ... t-22801433

[Derek27]

We have all done it to some degree

https://me.me/i/the-wife-said-heres-20- ... t-22801433

That dog doesn't look too happy.