Where are all the jokes?
A burglar is fubling around in the dark and hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you" he looks around and sees no one so he continues looking around the house. Then he hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you", so he looks again and sees a pariot in the corner of the room. The burglar asks the pariot if his name is Jesus and the pariot says no. The burglar asks the Pariot what its name is, the pariot replies it's Clarence, the burglar chuckles and says what idiot names a Pariot Clarence, the Pariot replies the same idiot that names his Pitbull Jesus
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Dr Ginhog
- Posts: 260
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- Location: Ballygarvan,Cork Ireland T12D2VR
- Contact:
Man is sat up in bed reading his Bet Angel user guide and his wife keeps on pestering him for sex.All of a sudden she pipes up ""Johnny you are going to make love to me.
"Nope" he replies "i am just wetting my fingers to turn the pages"
"Nope" he replies "i am just wetting my fingers to turn the pages"
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...
At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.
Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
There's never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.
Within a week's time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. He doesn't care that he can't drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.
His last meal request is a single banana.
When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.
The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.
His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. They ask him what he'd like for his last meal.
"A single banana," he says.
"Oh, no you don't, you son of a bitch. We're on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you're not escaping this time!" The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.
The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
"*Did you give him the banana?*" demands the head guard.
"No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn't give it to him, we swear!" says one of the guards.
Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.
At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.
Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
There's never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.
Within a week's time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. He doesn't care that he can't drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.
His last meal request is a single banana.
When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.
The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.
His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. They ask him what he'd like for his last meal.
"A single banana," he says.
"Oh, no you don't, you son of a bitch. We're on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you're not escaping this time!" The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.
The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
"*Did you give him the banana?*" demands the head guard.
"No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn't give it to him, we swear!" says one of the guards.
Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
New variant. http://www.sanfranchronicle.com/omegavariant
This will almost certainly come here and it doesn't sound good.
This will almost certainly come here and it doesn't sound good.
Cheers for that. I just ate !Realrocknrolla wrote: ↑Wed Sep 08, 2021 1:32 pmNew variant. http://www.sanfranchronicle.com/omegavariant
This will almost certainly come here and it doesn't sound good.
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
Hopefully not sausage.sniffer66 wrote: ↑Wed Sep 08, 2021 2:49 pmCheers for that. I just ate !Realrocknrolla wrote: ↑Wed Sep 08, 2021 1:32 pmNew variant. http://www.sanfranchronicle.com/omegavariant
This will almost certainly come here and it doesn't sound good.
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 622
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
- Location: South-West
I keep seeing 'TIA' everywhere. Can someone tell me what it stands for?
Thanks in advance.
Thanks in advance.
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 622
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
- Location: South-West
I found out the other day, when I was conceived my parents had sex dressed as budgies.
I can't look at myself in the mirror now !
I can't look at myself in the mirror now !
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
Have you heard about the Afghanistan withdrawal method?
It's when you pull out too late so you lose almost two decades of your life and most of your money
It's when you pull out too late so you lose almost two decades of your life and most of your money
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
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andy28 wrote: ↑Tue Sep 07, 2021 10:10 pmA burglar is fubling around in the dark and hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you" he looks around and sees no one so he continues looking around the house. Then he hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you", so he looks again and sees a pariot in the corner of the room. The burglar asks the pariot if his name is Jesus and the pariot says no. The burglar asks the Pariot what its name is, the pariot replies it's Clarence, the burglar chuckles and says what idiot names a Pariot Clarence, the Pariot replies the same idiot that names his Pitbull Jesus
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 622
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
- Location: South-West
I once tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a doctor but the security guard suspected I wasn't the real McCoy...
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
ANGELS15 wrote: ↑Thu Sep 09, 2021 3:36 pmA "Pariot?" - Have you been drinkin'? - LOLandy28 wrote: ↑Tue Sep 07, 2021 10:10 pmA burglar is fubling around in the dark and hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you" he looks around and sees no one so he continues looking around the house. Then he hears a voice say "Jesus is watching you", so he looks again and sees a pariot in the corner of the room. The burglar asks the pariot if his name is Jesus and the pariot says no. The burglar asks the Pariot what its name is, the pariot replies it's Clarence, the burglar chuckles and says what idiot names a Pariot Clarence, the Pariot replies the same idiot that names his Pitbull Jesus