Where are all the jokes?

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Derek27
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Boris Johnson was lying in a hospital bed, suffering from Covid-19.

"I'm really pissed off being stuck in hospital with this disgusting disease", said the virus.
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Derek27
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Biden, Johnson and Putin are alone in a doomed aircraft. There's only one parachute so they decide to have a vote to decide who can use it. After they cast their votes, Putin opens the ballot box and counts the votes.

"One vote for you Joe, one vote for you Boris, and fifteen votes for me!".
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alexmr2
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What do you call a Russian computer

Putir
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alexmr2
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Vladmir Putin is celebrating his plutonium Jubilee later this year
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alexmr2
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What do you call a Russian game of mini golf?

Puttin
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alexmr2
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What do you call a Russian baby frog?

A vladpole
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ANGELS15
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Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:57 am

An indecisive farm worker had one too many drinks stumbled back to the farm. He was larking around and got his dick jammed in the milking machine now he doesn't know whether he's coming or going.
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Derek27
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ANGELS15 wrote:
Fri Jun 10, 2022 10:27 am
An indecisive farm worker had one too many drinks stumbled back to the farm. He was larking around and got his dick jammed in the milking machine now he doesn't know whether he's coming or going.
That's put me right off my breakfast cereal!
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Derek27
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Location: UK

Boris Johnson's looking for a new ethics advisor. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Derek27
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Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a 10-year-old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Trump said I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!’, takes one and jumps.

Boris said ‘I’m needed to sort out Britain’. He takes one and jumps.

The Pope said ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps.

Angela said to the 10-year-old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting."

The 10-year-old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA took my school bag."
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wearthefoxhat
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Derek27 wrote:
Thu Jun 16, 2022 2:11 am
Plane with 5 passengers on board, Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, The Pope and a 10-year-old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes.

Trump said I need one. I’m the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the World!’, takes one and jumps.

Boris said ‘I’m needed to sort out Britain’. He takes one and jumps.

The Pope said ‘I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church.’ He takes one and jumps.

Angela said to the 10-year-old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting."

The 10-year-old replied: "Don’t worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA took my school bag."

:lol:
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Derek27
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Location: UK

I've just been appointed as the PM's new ethics advisor. My resignation letter's in the post. :D
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Realrocknrolla
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Derek27 wrote:
Thu Jun 16, 2022 7:51 pm
I've just been appointed as the PM's new ethics advisor. My resignation letter's in the post. :D
Boris’s number one fan! 😉😉😉
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The Silk Run
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Location: United Kingdom

Derek27 wrote:
Thu Jun 16, 2022 7:51 pm
I've just been appointed as the PM's new ethics advisor. My resignation letter's in the post. :D
Dex the incumbent, you would probably do a better job.
I was in McDonald's the other day and bought a coffee with two 50p coins. A young girl took my money and then went out of sight, rather odd !!! She returned and said "have you seen the Cat" !!! Apparently, one of the coins had a Cat on it. She claimed that she could sell this for about £44.00 on ebay, and offered it back. I was more happy for her so I told her to keep it, no problem. Now I'm looking for 50p coins with Cat's on, lol :)
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Derek27
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The Silk Run wrote:
Thu Jun 16, 2022 8:03 pm
Derek27 wrote:
Thu Jun 16, 2022 7:51 pm
I've just been appointed as the PM's new ethics advisor. My resignation letter's in the post. :D
Dex the incumbent, you would probably do a better job.
I was in McDonald's the other day and bought a coffee with two 50p coins. A young girl took my money and then went out of sight, rather odd !!! She returned and said "have you seen the Cat" !!! Apparently, one of the coins had a Cat on it. She claimed that she could sell this for about £44.00 on ebay, and offered it back. I was more happy for her so I told her to keep it, no problem. Now I'm looking for 50p coins with Cat's on, lol :)
Is this the one? Should I purchase it as an investment? :lol:

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