Where are all the jokes?

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jamesg46
Posts: 3769
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:05 pm

ANGELS15 wrote:
Sat Jul 17, 2021 11:09 am
The parts of the body held a meeting one day to decide which should be boss. The brain spoke first and said it should as it did all the thinking. The eyes said it should be boss as it did all the seeing. They argued for a while and then suddenly a little voice piped up at the back and said 'I should be boss'. They all looked in surprise as it was the arsehole who had spoken. They all laughed at the idea of the arsehole being boss. The arsehole was angry and clammed up. After a few days the brain grew foggy, the eyes misty, the guts were in turmoil and everyone pleaded with the brain to let the arsehole be boss. The motto you don't have to be brains to be boss just an arsehole.
:lol:
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Derek27
Posts: 23627
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

ANGELS15 wrote:
Sat Jul 17, 2021 11:09 am
The parts of the body held a meeting one day to decide which should be boss. The brain spoke first and said it should as it did all the thinking. The eyes said it should be boss as it did all the seeing. They argued for a while and then suddenly a little voice piped up at the back and said 'I should be boss'. They all looked in surprise as it was the arsehole who had spoken. They all laughed at the idea of the arsehole being boss. The arsehole was angry and clammed up. After a few days the brain grew foggy, the eyes misty, the guts were in turmoil and everyone pleaded with the brain to let the arsehole be boss. The motto you don't have to be brains to be boss just an arsehole.
That's one to tell the boss on your first day at work. :)
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bennyboy351
Posts: 332
Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
Location: West Midlands, England.

Derek27 wrote:
Sat Jul 17, 2021 12:57 pm
ANGELS15 wrote:
Sat Jul 17, 2021 11:09 am
The parts of the body held a meeting one day to decide which should be boss. The brain spoke first and said it should as it did all the thinking. The eyes said it should be boss as it did all the seeing. They argued for a while and then suddenly a little voice piped up at the back and said 'I should be boss'. They all looked in surprise as it was the arsehole who had spoken. They all laughed at the idea of the arsehole being boss. The arsehole was angry and clammed up. After a few days the brain grew foggy, the eyes misty, the guts were in turmoil and everyone pleaded with the brain to let the arsehole be boss. The motto you don't have to be brains to be boss just an arsehole.
That's one to tell the boss on your first day at work. :)
And - quite probably - your LAST!
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ANGELS15
Posts: 850
Joined: Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:57 am

bennyboy351 wrote:
Sat Jul 17, 2021 2:01 pm
Derek27 wrote:
Sat Jul 17, 2021 12:57 pm
ANGELS15 wrote:
Sat Jul 17, 2021 11:09 am
The parts of the body held a meeting one day to decide which should be boss. The brain spoke first and said it should as it did all the thinking. The eyes said it should be boss as it did all the seeing. They argued for a while and then suddenly a little voice piped up at the back and said 'I should be boss'. They all looked in surprise as it was the arsehole who had spoken. They all laughed at the idea of the arsehole being boss. The arsehole was angry and clammed up. After a few days the brain grew foggy, the eyes misty, the guts were in turmoil and everyone pleaded with the brain to let the arsehole be boss. The motto you don't have to be brains to be boss just an arsehole.
That's one to tell the boss on your first day at work. :)
And - quite probably - your LAST!
I remember a story from the early days of the National Lottery. A couple of guys who worked together hated their boss/job. They bought regular lottery tickets and one day for some reason or another thought they had won. They were ecstatic.

They told the boss where to stick their jobs and resigned. To their horror they soon realised their mistake and that they had not won the lottery. They very sheepishly went back to their boss and apologised, luckily for them the boss had a good sense of humour and took them back.
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wearthefoxhat
Posts: 3219
Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am

I had my prostate examination yesterday. The doctor gave me the thumbs up.
Galilee66
Posts: 222
Joined: Thu Apr 16, 2009 5:07 am

Definition of "rectitude" - the righteous look of a proctologist before examining you.
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Derek27
Posts: 23627
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

Galilee66 wrote:
Mon Jul 19, 2021 4:54 am
Definition of "rectitude" - the righteous look of a proctologist before examining you.
I had to look up proctologist. :lol:

Who in their right mind would go to uni with the ambition of examining people's arses. :lol:
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paspuggie48
Posts: 622
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

I just bought some Star Trek Toilet Rolls...

They are great for getting rid of Klingons
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paspuggie48
Posts: 622
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

My mate is in trouble...he told his wife he was going out to get some thread but actually has gone to the pub...she will kill him

Gone but not for cotton
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Derek27
Posts: 23627
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am
Location: UK

paspuggie48 wrote:
Mon Jul 19, 2021 6:48 pm
My mate is in trouble...he told his wife he was going out to get some thread but actually has gone to the pub...she will kill him

Gone but not for cotton
That is a terrible joke. :lol:
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jimibt
Posts: 3661
Joined: Mon Nov 30, 2015 6:42 pm
Location: Narnia

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
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Euler
Posts: 24806
Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2010 1:39 pm
Location: Bet Angel HQ

My mates 4 year old son is learning Spanish at nursery. He doesn’t know the Spanish word for “please” yet, which I think is poor for four.
sniffer66
Posts: 1679
Joined: Thu May 02, 2019 8:37 am

Which reminds me....

Many people are shocked by how good Catalan tattoo artists are.

No-one expects the Spanish Ink Precision
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paspuggie48
Posts: 622
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

Derek27 wrote:
Mon Jul 19, 2021 7:07 pm
paspuggie48 wrote:
Mon Jul 19, 2021 6:48 pm
My mate is in trouble...he told his wife he was going out to get some thread but actually has gone to the pub...she will kill him

Gone but not for cotton
That is a terrible joke. :lol:
Is this any better Derek?

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink...
I'm currently in casualty waiting to be seen !
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paspuggie48
Posts: 622
Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
Location: South-West

I was in A&E earlier and there was this bloke with a wound on his head...

He told me he had been hit with a piece of coal...

The nurse said it was just a miner injury !
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