So I just got a new job and my mate asked me: "What sort of hours are you doing?"
I said: "Sixty minute ones!"
Where are all the jokes?
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
He had a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again......back and forth....in and out.......She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near to the end…
...her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
"Okay, Okay!!! I can't park the car!!! You do it, you smug flipping asshole!!!"
...her heart was pounding..... her face was flushed.....
Then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
"Okay, Okay!!! I can't park the car!!! You do it, you smug flipping asshole!!!"
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bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
- Location: West Midlands, England.
That was an old one!
still find the old tommy cooper ones never age..
I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?”, He said: “How flexible are you?”, I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
OR:
I was in a cemetery the other day and noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin; three hours later they were still walking about.
I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"!
I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?”, He said: “How flexible are you?”, I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
OR:
I was in a cemetery the other day and noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin; three hours later they were still walking about.
I thought to myself "They've lost the plot"!
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Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1903
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
4 former US Presidents are caught in a tornado
Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.
After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I ... think I need a brain".
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.
After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I ... think I need a brain".
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
Realrocknrolla wrote: ↑Wed Oct 06, 2021 4:50 pm4 former US Presidents are caught in a tornado
Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.
After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: "I had a terrible time with Iran, so I've come for some courage."
"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard, "WHO IS NEXT?"
Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well..,Well.., Well.., I ... think I need a brain".
"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ?"
Up steps George Bush sadly, "I'm told by the American people that I need a heart."
"I'VE HEARD ITS TRUE." says the Wizard. "CONSIDER IT DONE."
Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn't say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY?"
"Is Dorothy around?"
https://upjoke.com/bill-clinton-jokes
St Peter is sitting at the Pearly gate when the gate bell goes, he gets of his chair to greet the person, he opens the gate and they guy disappears. St Peter thinks that was strange and sits down again, a few seconds later the bell goes again he gets up opens the gate and its the same guy, just as St Peter goes to greet him he disappears again. St Peter is a little annoyed but sits down again. A few seconds later the bell goes again, This time St Peter thinks to himself he will grab the guy so he cant take off.
Sure enough it is the same guy, St Peter grabs him and says what the heck are you doing? If you don't stop I will send you to hell, the guy replies don't blame me blame the people doing CPR on me
Sure enough it is the same guy, St Peter grabs him and says what the heck are you doing? If you don't stop I will send you to hell, the guy replies don't blame me blame the people doing CPR on me
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 638
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
- Location: South-West
Apt for the moment, sorry Peter
After traveling to Moscow, the Russian Opposition leader thought he got bitten by a suspicious wasp.
Turns out it was a cagey bee.
After traveling to Moscow, the Russian Opposition leader thought he got bitten by a suspicious wasp.
Turns out it was a cagey bee.