The beer garden

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greenmark
Posts: 6265
Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:15 pm

firlandsfarm wrote:
Sat Nov 23, 2024 8:59 am
I found this amusing and was going to post it under the 'jokes' thread but then I was reminded of an incident I was party to and decided it was a serious matter.

"At bedtime, the 81-year-old woman said to her 83-year-old husband:

"Listen... I just looked out the window, and I think the garage light is on. Would you get up and turn it off?"

With great difficulty, the old man got out of bed, opened the door, and went outside. He saw five or six burglars tampering with the garage door. He immediately called the police station.

"Look... take down my address. It’s just my wife and me here, and five or six thieves are attacking my garage. Please send a police team quickly..."

The dispatcher replied, "We've noted your address. Don't worry. No team is available right now. I'll send someone as soon as I can get a team."

Frustrated, the old man watched the burglars struggling with the garage locks. Two minutes later, he called the police station again:

"Listen... there's no need to send anyone now. I’ve shot all five of them."

The police station erupted in chaos. Within five minutes, a police team arrived in the street with a helicopter, paramedics, three doctors, and two ambulances. Soon, they had the criminals under control. Later, the team leader casually walked up to the old man and asked:

"You said you shot them, didn’t you?"

"And didn’t you say no team was available?"

My experience was deer hunting in my woodlands (poaching). I had the evidence by way of the cleaned guts and called the police who showed no interest whatsoever. So I called back to report the "discharging of a firearm on private land without the land owner's permission". Two policemen arrived very quickly!
Thnk you need to talkt to Archery69 about his perimeter tech. On the other hand poaching has been around since people started laying claim to a tract of land. The number of folk songs about it are legion.
But I do sympathise. I was burgled twice, second time i saw them. Phoned 999. 25 minutes later 2 coppers strolled up and proceeded to suggest I had staged it to claim on my insurance. Both occasions I slept wiith a hammer next my bed for the ensuing few weeks.
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Archangel
Posts: 2008
Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2013 3:03 pm

Isn't it ironic, the latest figures on net migration. 900,000 roughly. Prior to Brexit these figures were hovering around 300,000 annually.
Taking back control :lol:
greenmark
Posts: 6265
Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:15 pm

Archangel wrote:
Fri Nov 29, 2024 7:45 pm
Isn't it ironic, the latest figures on net migration. 900,000 roughly. Prior to Brexit these figures were hovering around 300,000 annually.
Taking back control :lol:
You're spot on. I don't really care politically.For me, it's about finding the solution.To do that you need to define the problem. And political posturing has failed miserably to do that. We just get rhetoric and hyperbole.
For me.... we need more people. We need to make re-entering work easier.
The irony of a free market party leaving office in the mess it is is staggering. If Labour f**k this up I will never vote for them again.
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Derek27
Posts: 25157
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:44 am

We all know that 90% of an instruction manual is foreign language translations but you still panic when you see the size of the manual. :lol:
greenmark
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Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:15 pm

Derek27 wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 2:37 am
We all know that 90% of an instruction manual is foreign language translations but you still panic when you see the size of the manual. :lol:
:D Never thought of it like that. But you're right.
Back in the day japanese motorcycle manuals had english translations, but they were next to useless apart from entertainmentvalue. Is it racist to laugh at a foreigner's attempt at English? Hmmm.
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Kai
Posts: 7051
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greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 8:46 am
Is it racist to laugh
No, period.
greenmark
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Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:15 pm

Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 10:36 am
greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 8:46 am
Is it racist to laugh
No, period.
You mean laughing is natural but what provokes the laughter maybe a racist mentality?
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Kai
Posts: 7051
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:21 pm

greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 10:46 am
Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 10:36 am
greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 8:46 am
Is it racist to laugh
No, period.
You mean laughing is natural but what provokes the laughter maybe a racist mentality?
What he said

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/m9-A2-EKwzs
greenmark
Posts: 6265
Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:15 pm

Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 11:07 am
greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 10:46 am
Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 10:36 am


No, period.
You mean laughing is natural but what provokes the laughter maybe a racist mentality?
What he said

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/m9-A2-EKwzs
Ok. Agreed. However, Jim Davidson, Stan Boardman, Bernard Manning et al made a living from pandering to racist views. The racists laughed, I cringed.
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Kai
Posts: 7051
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:21 pm

greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 11:20 am
Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 11:07 am
greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 10:46 am


You mean laughing is natural but what provokes the laughter maybe a racist mentality?
What he said

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/m9-A2-EKwzs
Ok. Agreed. However, Jim Davidson, Stan Boardman, Bernard Manning et al made a living from pandering to racist views. The racists laughed, I cringed.
Sadly I'm not familiar with those gents :) Racist and lewd jokes etc are indeed often low-hanging fruit for comedians, relying on shock value over cleverness or wit.

I usually just laugh when something is funny 🤷‍♂️, ideally without waiting 1-3 business days for permission.
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conduirez
Posts: 481
Joined: Tue May 23, 2023 8:25 pm

Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 2:18 pm
greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 11:20 am
Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 11:07 am


What he said

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/m9-A2-EKwzs
Ok. Agreed. However, Jim Davidson, Stan Boardman, Bernard Manning et al made a living from pandering to racist views. The racists laughed, I cringed.
Sadly I'm not familiar with those gents :) Racist and lewd jokes etc are indeed often low-hanging fruit for comedians, relying on shock value over cleverness or wit.

I usually just laugh when something is funny 🤷‍♂️, ideally without waiting 1-3 business days for permission.
I remember a great comedian Charlie Williams joking about stopping Pakistanis coming to the UK in the 1970's - 80's, I wont add the clip on here as it goes too far. But all comedians used race then.

Image
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Kai
Posts: 7051
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:21 pm

I grew up more with Ricky Gervais and Dave Chappelle, they were right up my alley :D
greenmark
Posts: 6265
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Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 2:51 pm
I grew up more with Ricky Gervais and Dave Chappelle, they were right up my alley :D
Perhaps you are beneficiary of PC.
How do you unhear a racist joke? I do have a racist/anti-semitic joke from Manning up my sleeve but will not share it on here.
It would offend too many, but in fact the irony of it's core is deeply satirical of the Nazi regime.
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Kai
Posts: 7051
Joined: Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:21 pm

greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 4:15 pm
How do you unhear a racist joke?
I have no idea, a good whack on the head maybe? After sharing it with the wrong person? :D

But there you go overthinking everything again !
greenmark
Posts: 6265
Joined: Mon Jan 29, 2018 2:15 pm

Kai wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 5:05 pm
greenmark wrote:
Sun Dec 01, 2024 4:15 pm
How do you unhear a racist joke?
I have no idea, a good whack on the head maybe? After sharing it with the wrong person? :D

But there you go overthinking everything again !
You maybe right about sharing these jokes. I was donated the Manning joke by a good friend and was incandescent with rage, When I calmed down I realised the joke was on the Nazi's.
That suits me. :D
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