Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car’s indicators are working.
He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
Where are all the jokes?
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eatyourgreens
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Dustbin man is driving around emptying the bins, he gets to a chinese take away and cant find a bin outside, so he pops in and asks "where's ya bin?" China man replies "I bin Hong kong" Dustman laughs and say "no, where"s your wheelie bin?" China man replies "Yea, I wheelie bin Hong Kong!"
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 739
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
You can't beat real-life stories like that.
Reminds me of a friend of mine who worked at this company that was bought out by a Chinese firm. She went to work one day and it was pissing it down with rain and as she got into the office she asked the Chinese boss about her colleague and said, "is Wayne in?" To which the Chinese boss said as he was looking out the window, "yes it is, really hard by the look of it"
Dustman! Dustbin men sound like cartoon characters, bins with faces, arms and legs.
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eatyourgreens
- Posts: 282
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 12:53 am
Refuge disposal officer.eatyourgreens wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 1:33 pmApologies, I suppose the pc term these days is "refuse collecter" or "waste management technician"
This is a true story. Some years ago the street outside where I worked was converted to one way. However some people would occasinally still enter the exit end. Tbh as you approached the exit end from the main road it wasn't that easy to see the no entry sign.
Anyway one day I was standing in the street and I noticed a mini-cab turning into the exit. As he turned I frantically waved him down. He wound down his window and said 'whats a da problem?', I said 'you're going the wrong way'. He said 'No I maketit da right way!'. I repeated 'No your'e going the wrong way!'. He pointed proudly at himself and said 'Noo!.... I!, makeit da rightaway!' and carried on driving the wrong way down the street.
Anyway one day I was standing in the street and I noticed a mini-cab turning into the exit. As he turned I frantically waved him down. He wound down his window and said 'whats a da problem?', I said 'you're going the wrong way'. He said 'No I maketit da right way!'. I repeated 'No your'e going the wrong way!'. He pointed proudly at himself and said 'Noo!.... I!, makeit da rightaway!' and carried on driving the wrong way down the street.
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Trader Pat
- Posts: 4327
- Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:50 pm
A group of racehorses are relaxing in their stables. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won eight of them!”
Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.
At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”
Another horse breaks in: “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!” says another.
At this point, the horses notice a greyhound, who has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog!”
I was expecting a punch line.ANGELS15 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 1:43 pmThis is a true story. Some years ago the street outside where I worked was converted to one way. However some people would occasinally still enter the exit end. Tbh as you approached the exit end from the main road it wasn't that easy to see the no entry sign.
Anyway one day I was standing in the street and I noticed a mini-cab turning into the exit. As he turned I frantically waved him down. He wound down his window and said 'whats a da problem?', I said 'you're going the wrong way'. He said 'No I maketit da right way!'. I repeated 'No your'e going the wrong way!'. He pointed proudly at himself and said 'Noo!.... I!, makeit da rightaway!' and carried on driving the wrong way down the street.
Yes it wasn't really a joke as such more like what you'd see in a sitcom. It was just hilarious at the time. What would have been funny although not for the mini-cab driver was if a police car had been coming the other way.Derek27 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 2:14 pmI was expecting a punch line.ANGELS15 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 1:43 pmThis is a true story. Some years ago the street outside where I worked was converted to one way. However some people would occasinally still enter the exit end. Tbh as you approached the exit end from the main road it wasn't that easy to see the no entry sign.
Anyway one day I was standing in the street and I noticed a mini-cab turning into the exit. As he turned I frantically waved him down. He wound down his window and said 'whats a da problem?', I said 'you're going the wrong way'. He said 'No I maketit da right way!'. I repeated 'No your'e going the wrong way!'. He pointed proudly at himself and said 'Noo!.... I!, makeit da rightaway!' and carried on driving the wrong way down the street.
A funny but true story, when I was in my late teens I was in a car with a few mates and the driver got to a set of traffic lights just at that moment of do you go for it or break hard - he went through unaware it was a police behind him who instantly stopped him, and as they (and rightly so in most cases to a car full of young lads) they gave the driver a ticking off and I remember also got a bit condescending before giving him a 'producer' and all the other stuff we've probably all had when being stopped while younger before letting us on our way.ANGELS15 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 4:05 pmYes it wasn't really a joke as such more like what you'd see in a sitcom. It was just hilarious at the time. What would have been funny although not for the mini-cab driver was if a police car had been coming the other way.Derek27 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 2:14 pmI was expecting a punch line.ANGELS15 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 1:43 pmThis is a true story. Some years ago the street outside where I worked was converted to one way. However some people would occasinally still enter the exit end. Tbh as you approached the exit end from the main road it wasn't that easy to see the no entry sign.
Anyway one day I was standing in the street and I noticed a mini-cab turning into the exit. As he turned I frantically waved him down. He wound down his window and said 'whats a da problem?', I said 'you're going the wrong way'. He said 'No I maketit da right way!'. I repeated 'No your'e going the wrong way!'. He pointed proudly at himself and said 'Noo!.... I!, makeit da rightaway!' and carried on driving the wrong way down the street.
Off we went about half mile down the road on the outskirts of town round the first bend which had a another set of lights on it barely before the road straightened and these two had just gone onto amber putting the driver in the same situation a 2nd time only this time he chose to break for them.
A split second later and 'bang' a car straight into the back of us - you guessed it, it was the police car that had just pulled him over for not breaking at the last set of lights!
They must have anticipated he's going to put his foot down again.Dallas wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 6:56 pmA funny but true story, when I was in my late teens I was in a car with a few mates and the driver got to a set of traffic lights just at that moment of do you go for it or break hard - he went through unaware it was a police behind him who instantly stopped him, and as they (and rightly so in most cases to a car full of young lads) they gave the driver a ticking off and I remember also got a bit condescending before giving him a 'producer' and all the other stuff we've probably all had when being stopped while younger before letting us on our way.
Off we went about half mile down the road on the outskirts of town round the first bend which had a another set of lights on it barely before the road straightened and these two had just gone onto amber putting the driver in the same situation a 2nd time only this time he chose to break for them.
A split second later and 'bang' a car straight into the back of us - you guessed it, it was the police car that had just pulled him over for not breaking at the last set of lights!
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Trader Pat
- Posts: 4327
- Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:50 pm
I put a bet on a horse that had excellent breeding. After the horse left the starting gate, he stopped and closed it behind him.
True story
My sister inlaw had an argument with my brother over a Christmas tree so asked if I could settle the arguement.
She had bought a tree that was 10 feet tall and the problem was the hieght of the room was 8 feet, and the top was all bent over, so her solution was to cut the top of the tree off. So she asked me what I would have done, I said I would have cut just over 2 feet off the bottom. She said that what your brother said, she said the problem was the tree was too tall not too short!!!
No prizes for guessing the colour of hair
My sister inlaw had an argument with my brother over a Christmas tree so asked if I could settle the arguement.
She had bought a tree that was 10 feet tall and the problem was the hieght of the room was 8 feet, and the top was all bent over, so her solution was to cut the top of the tree off. So she asked me what I would have done, I said I would have cut just over 2 feet off the bottom. She said that what your brother said, she said the problem was the tree was too tall not too short!!!
No prizes for guessing the colour of hair