A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
a good joke
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5hownewsday
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2010 4:20 am
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
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5hownewsday
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2010 4:20 am
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
Nice jokes!
Jeff
5hownewsday wrote:There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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rubysglory
- Posts: 309
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:02 am
Letter to Mens Helpline:-
Hey Mate, really need your advice for a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that the missus has been cheating.You knw, the usual signs; Phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot, always tired and so on. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat,when she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse,then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on... It was at that moment crouched behind the boat I noticed... a "hairline crack" in the outboard mounting bracket... Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
rg
Hey Mate, really need your advice for a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that the missus has been cheating.You knw, the usual signs; Phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot, always tired and so on. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat,when she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse,then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on... It was at that moment crouched behind the boat I noticed... a "hairline crack" in the outboard mounting bracket... Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
rg
A SCOTTISH BLONDE IN A CASINO
An attractive blonde from Spittal , Scotland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with a thick Scottish accent yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Scots are drunks,
Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men...are men.
An attractive blonde from Spittal , Scotland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with a thick Scottish accent yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and
squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Scots are drunks,
Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men...are men.
so funny, still laughing nowrubysglory wrote:Letter to Mens Helpline:-
Hey Mate, really need your advice for a serious problem:
I have suspected for some time now that the missus has been cheating.You knw, the usual signs; Phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls a lot, always tired and so on. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed behind the boat,when she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse,then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on... It was at that moment crouched behind the boat I noticed... a "hairline crack" in the outboard mounting bracket... Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace it?
rg