Whats a dentist favourite time of the day?
Tooth Hurty
Where are all the jokes?
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Trader Pat
- Posts: 4327
- Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:50 pm
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a stretcher in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a stretcher in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
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wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3552
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
My favourite film of all time is Groundhog Day. I must have seen it 50 times.
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 737
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
To The Thief Who Stole My Glasses...
I Will Find You…
I Have Contacts…
I Will Find You…
I Have Contacts…
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 737
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
To the thief who stole my antidepressants...
I hope you're happy...
I hope you're happy...
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 737
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
To the man with no legs who stole my camouflage jacket...
You can hide but you can't run !
You can hide but you can't run !
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Trader Pat
- Posts: 4327
- Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:50 pm
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
Passerby: Can I have an ambulance, a man's lying on the pavement unconscious and bleeding?
Operator: Where's he bleeding from?
Passerby: He's from bleeding China, what's that got to do with it?
(Not a joke, the conversation really happened.
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Operator: Where's he bleeding from?
Passerby: He's from bleeding China, what's that got to do with it?
(Not a joke, the conversation really happened.
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Trader Pat
- Posts: 4327
- Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 12:50 pm
Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the car’s indicators are working.
He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
He promptly sticks his head out the window and says: “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
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eatyourgreens
- Posts: 278
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 12:53 am
Dustbin man is driving around emptying the bins, he gets to a chinese take away and cant find a bin outside, so he pops in and asks "where's ya bin?" China man replies "I bin Hong kong" Dustman laughs and say "no, where"s your wheelie bin?" China man replies "Yea, I wheelie bin Hong Kong!"
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paspuggie48
- Posts: 737
- Joined: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:22 am
You can't beat real-life stories like that.
Reminds me of a friend of mine who worked at this company that was bought out by a Chinese firm. She went to work one day and it was pissing it down with rain and as she got into the office she asked the Chinese boss about her colleague and said, "is Wayne in?" To which the Chinese boss said as he was looking out the window, "yes it is, really hard by the look of it"
Dustman! Dustbin men sound like cartoon characters, bins with faces, arms and legs.