xmas.png
Where are all the jokes?
-
wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3551
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
-
Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1910
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
Few Christmas Crackersβ¦.
Why is Santa always happy?
He knows where all bad girls are living.
How come chinese kids dont belive in santa claus?
Because they're the ones that make the toys.
The four stages of life, in Santa Clause terms.
1) You believe in Santa.
2) You donβt believe in Santa.
3) You pretend to be Santa.
4) You look like Santa.
How did Santa Catch Herpes?
Too many ho ho hos.
What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital?
Do you see what I see?
πππππ
Why do coders get Halloween confused with Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.
Merry Christmas all!
Why is Santa always happy?
He knows where all bad girls are living.
How come chinese kids dont belive in santa claus?
Because they're the ones that make the toys.
The four stages of life, in Santa Clause terms.
1) You believe in Santa.
2) You donβt believe in Santa.
3) You pretend to be Santa.
4) You look like Santa.
How did Santa Catch Herpes?
Too many ho ho hos.
What Christmas song do they play at the mental hospital?
Do you see what I see?
πππππ
Why do coders get Halloween confused with Christmas?
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve.
Merry Christmas all!
Two guys are talking at a Party one asks the other what he does, he replies I am a Heart Surgeon, Wow the other guy said I do a similar job, I am a mechanic but my pay is nowhere near what you get, The surgeon says that's nothing like my job!! The mechanic says you replace the heart and I replace engines ( the heart of the car). The surgeon pauses and says do you replace the engine with the engine running?
-
wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3551
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
I once tried to learn to play violin, but I found it all too fiddly.
Two friends had been called up for the army. They were desperate to get out of it. They were trying to find a way out when one said 'I know! If there's something wrong with you they wont take you'. The friend says 'but there's nothing wrong with us?' His friend says 'we'll knock our teeth out, they'll surely release us'.
They knock their teeth out, a very painful business. They arrive at the army centre and see a sign saying 'medical or other disabilities'. There's a group of men standing near it. Suddenly a sargeant appears and screams at them all to line up. The two friends try to stand next to one another but this huge bloke keeps getting in their way so they have to stand either side of him.
The sargeant approaches the man on the end, 'what's wrong with you?' 'I've only got one leg' the man says. The sargeant runs his hand down the guy's leg and sure enough it's artifical. 'Ok you can go'. He approaches the first friend 'and you?' the guy points to his mouth, the sargeant runs his finger along the guy's gums, 'ok you can go'. He comes to the big bloke, the bloke says 'piles sarge' The sargeant sticks his finger up the guy's arse and says 'yes you can go'. He then comes to the other friend and points at him 'and what's wrong with you?' 'nnnn nothing!
They knock their teeth out, a very painful business. They arrive at the army centre and see a sign saying 'medical or other disabilities'. There's a group of men standing near it. Suddenly a sargeant appears and screams at them all to line up. The two friends try to stand next to one another but this huge bloke keeps getting in their way so they have to stand either side of him.
The sargeant approaches the man on the end, 'what's wrong with you?' 'I've only got one leg' the man says. The sargeant runs his hand down the guy's leg and sure enough it's artifical. 'Ok you can go'. He approaches the first friend 'and you?' the guy points to his mouth, the sargeant runs his finger along the guy's gums, 'ok you can go'. He comes to the big bloke, the bloke says 'piles sarge' The sargeant sticks his finger up the guy's arse and says 'yes you can go'. He then comes to the other friend and points at him 'and what's wrong with you?' 'nnnn nothing!
-
bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
Had to read this twice before I 'got it!' - no wonder I struggle to trade!ANGELS15 wrote: βWed Dec 29, 2021 5:21 pmTwo friends had been called up for the army. They were desperate to get out of it. They were trying to find a way out when one said 'I know! If there's something wrong with you they wont take you'. The friend says 'but there's nothing wrong with us?' His friend says 'we'll knock our teeth out, they'll surely release us'.
They knock their teeth out, a very painful business. They arrive at the army centre and see a sign saying 'medical or other disabilities'. There's a group of men standing near it. Suddenly a sargeant appears and screams at them all to line up. The two friends try to stand next to one another but this huge bloke keeps getting in their way so they have to stand either side of him.
The sargeant approaches the man on the end, 'what's wrong with you?' 'I've only got one leg' the man says. The sargeant runs his hand down the guy's leg and sure enough it's artifical. 'Ok you can go'. He approaches the first friend 'and you?' the guy points to his mouth, the sargeant runs his finger along the guy's gums, 'ok you can go'. He comes to the big bloke, the bloke says 'piles sarge' The sargeant sticks his finger up the guy's arse and says 'yes you can go'. He then comes to the other friend and points at him 'and what's wrong with you?' 'nnnn nothing!
-
Realrocknrolla
- Posts: 1910
- Joined: Fri Jun 05, 2020 7:15 pm
Why are BetFair Traders so good at sex?
Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.
Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.
-
wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3551
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
I went for dinner at Uri Geller's house last night; I spilled soup all down my shirt.
-
wearthefoxhat
- Posts: 3551
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2018 9:55 am
I went to the paint store as I was told I could get thinner there. It didn't work.
-
sionascaig
- Posts: 1606
- Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2015 9:38 am
"They all laughed when I said I'd become a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now."
RIP Bob Monkhouse...
RIP Bob Monkhouse...
-
bennyboy351
- Posts: 332
- Joined: Sat Jun 07, 2014 6:01 pm
Realrocknrolla wrote: βThu Dec 30, 2021 10:47 amWhy are BetFair Traders so good at sex?
Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.