Where are all the jokes?

[alexmr2]

Why did Warren Buffet cross the road in 1962?
Because the $0.05 lying on the ground would be worth $60 in 2022 if he spent it on a Coca Cola share.

Why did the Martingale trader cross the road?
Because he didn't get hit by the steam roller the first, second or third time.

Why did Rik cross the road?
Because he had so much Betfair money in his pocket that some fell out and blew across to the other side.

Why did Megarain not cross the road?
Because he made too much money from Betfair and it wasn't worth the effort for a £20 that blew away.

Why did Derek cross the room?
To run and jump over his cat to skip the Nigel Farage Youtube ad.

Why did Trader Pat cross the road?
Because his taxi parked on the opposite side of the road to the pub.

Why did the goat cross the road?
Because the farmer was moving the goats to the field with more grass.

Why did Steve H. cross the road?
Because his favourite note blew away and there was nothing to stop it.

Why did the badg-er lay some steaks down on the road?
Because he was feeding the green-nosed kangaroos, and the more steaks he added, the closer the green came.

Why was the berry in the middle of the road?
Because the branch of the tree it came from grew over the road, and then it fell on the road.

Why was the can in the bin?
Because Jurgen Klopp was on holiday in the Lake Dsitrct and saw a can, took a penalty shoot out to impress his wife and then 2 weeks later a binman picked it up and put it in the bin.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Forty
Forty who?
Forty Percent Premium Charge.

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Kai
Kai who?
Kai the football trader.

[wearthefoxhat]

There is a shoe repairers conference in town today. I've never seen such a load of old cobblers.

[wearthefoxhat]

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought, “This changes everything.”

[greenmark]

The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought, “This changes everything.”

Thats a good one!

[Derek27]

I as [Russian] president of the security council am obliged to say this, I thank the representative of the Ukraine for his statement.

[Derek27]

Putin's made his biggest mark on Europe yet. He's now got BJ and Starmer being nice to each other.

[Euler]

I used to be a big Robbie Williams fan but that all changed when I started to study geometry and found that more interesting.

I’m loving angles instead...

[greenmark]

I used to be a big Robbie Williams fan but that all changed when I started to study geometry and found that more interesting.

I’m loving angles instead...

Thats a chortler.

[Euler]

So what if I accidentally used superglue instead of cooking oil when making pancakes, I couldn't give a toss.

[Trader Pat]

So what if I accidentally used superglue instead of cooking oil when making pancakes, I couldn't give a toss.

Not flipping funny. I expected batter from you!

[Euler]

[Euler]

I’ve had to steal something to stir my pancake batter with...

But it was a whisk I was willing to take.

[wearthefoxhat]

I can't believe it's Shrove Tuesday/Pancake Day already, it's really crepe-d up on us this year!

[Derek27]

Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at the customs desk.

Customs officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting.

[Derek27]

Putin visits a school in Moscow and offers to answer any questions. A little girl, Alexandra puts her hand up and asks,

"Why are we invading Ukraine?"

Before Putin can answer the bell goes and the children leave for lunch. When they come back a little boy puts his hand up and asks,

"Why did the bell go 30 minutes early and what's happened to Alexandra?"