Where are all the jokes?

[Derek27]

Boris and Carrie Johnson visit a restaurant. A waiter approaches them.

Carrie: I'll have the sirloin steak.

Waiter: Certainly madam, and what about the accompanying vegetables.

Carrie: I'm just accompanied by one vegetable and he'll have the same.

Ah the old ones are the best (1985) ... just change the target to whoever you wish!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjE080TGEEk

I was searching for more Putin jokes and found an outdated one with his puppet president as the vegetable, but as you say, it's applicable to many people.

[wearthefoxhat]

The man who invented the automatic tennis serving machine is celebrating his birthday. Many happy returns.

[firlandsfarm]

Condom.jpg

No offense intended

[alexmr2]

IMG-20220522-WA0006.jpg

[The Silk Run]

IMG-20220522-WA0006.jpg

Yah lukin at a libel their roadman

[Derek27]

Police out on patrol stop to question a guy on the street on suspicion of possessing drugs. They strip-search him, find nothing and let him go.

Another patrol car comes along and arrests him for indecent exposure.

[alexmr2]

Police out on patrol stop to question a guy on the street on suspicion of possessing drugs. They strip-search him, find nothing and let him go.

Another patrol car comes along and arrests him for indecent exposure.

Police and track marshals get reports that someone is courtsiding Ffos Las and the bookies are down tens of thousands. They spot a man on his phone with binoculars and a drone by his side at the finish line. They go up to question him and search his bag...

They pull out a book and start laughing, "well he can't be making a profit" and let him go.

The book was A Strawberry's Guide To Betfair Trading Made Simple.

[Derek27]

Police out on patrol stop to question a guy on the street on suspicion of possessing drugs. They strip-search him, find nothing and let him go.

Another patrol car comes along and arrests him for indecent exposure.

Police and track marshals get reports that someone is courtsiding Ffos Las and the bookies are down tens of thousands. They spot a man on his phone with binoculars and a drone by his side at the finish line. They go up to question him and search his bag...

They pull out a book and start laughing, "well he can't be making a profit" and let him go.

The book was A Strawberry's Guide To Betfair Trading Made Simple.

You can crack a joke about anything on this thread. It doesn't have to be trading related.

[alexmr2]

You can crack a joke about anything on this thread. It doesn't have to be trading related.

Why did the price cross the 4.0 crossover?

Because there was only half the number of ticks on the other side, so it had less chance of getting bitten and Lyme disease

[wearthefoxhat]

I'm not very good at ventriloquism. Even if I do say so myself.

[wearthefoxhat]

I’m at the airport and I’ve just seen a guy collapse on the luggage carousel. I think he’ll be ok - he’s slowly coming around.

[Derek27]

Daily Telegraph.

Capture.GIF

[firlandsfarm]

Daily Telegraph.


Capture.GIF

[paspuggie48]

A few I heard recently...

My wife says I'm the cheapest man in the world.
I'm not buying it !

My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Dr Strangelove for movie night, but I said no.
I had Stranger Things to watch.

A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?"
"Pop", goes the weasel !

What did the shipmates find in the toilet?
The Captain's Log !

I've just deleted all the German names off my pre-owned iPhone.
It's Hans free now !

[wearthefoxhat]

My wife says she's leaving me due to my obsession with cricket. I'll be honest - it's knocked me for six.