Where are all the jokes?

[ANGELS15]

Matt Handoncock says there's not a day that goes by when he doesn't think of the people who died from Covid.

He wont't have to think of too many as there are plenty of NHS staff who admit most people died 'with' Covid not from it but they were told to count them all as ' Covid deaths'.

[Derek27]

After Joel and Weber divorced in 1982, Joel rarely performed the song [Just The Way You Are] live after 1986 until the 2000s, and Joel has publicly stated that he disliked playing the song live in the wake of his divorce from his first wife. He noted that during performances of the song around the time of his first divorce, his drummer Liberty DeVitto would jokingly parody the lyrics in the chorus as "She got the house. She got the car."[9]

[Derek27]

Nicholas Rossi, who was identified as a rape suspect from his distinctive tattoos, claims the tattoos were planted on him by a government conspirator while in hospital.

[Trader724]

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[jimibt]

just saw that the 2023 Funniest Fringe joke was announced:

Comedian Lorna Rose Treen was voted the winner with her pun: "I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah."

It reminded me of some of the other previous ones that were bordering on genius. quick selection:

• 2022: "I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta."
  2019: "I keep randomly shouting out 'broccoli' and 'cauliflower' - I think I might have florets."
  2016: "My dad suggested I register for a donor card, he is a man after my own heart"
  2014: "I decided to sell my Hoover... well it was just collecting dust."

and my fave, from 2012: "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."

[paspuggie48]

Top 10 jokes of the 2023 Fringe !!!!

Those that made me chuckle were 3 & 9..

1. I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah - Lorna Rose Treen

2. The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.' - Liz Guterbock

3. Last year I had a great joke about inflation. But it's hardly worth it now - Amos Gill

4. When women gossip we get called bitchy; but when men do it's called a podcast - Sikisa

5. I thought I'd start off with a joke about The Titanic - just to break the ice - Masai Graham

6. How do coeliac Germans greet each other? Gluten tag - Frank Lavender

7. My friend got locked in a coffee place overnight. Now he only ever goes into Starbucks, not the rivals. He's Costa-phobic - Roger Swift

8. I entered the 'How not to surrender' competition and I won hands down - Bennett Arron

9. Nationwide must have looked pretty silly when they opened their first branch - William Stone

10. My grandma describes herself as being in her "twilight years" which I love because they're great films - Daniel Foxx

[LeTiss]

9 is the best, I agree

[Derek27]

3 & 4 are the best.

[Derek27]

The Russian moon-lander craft spun out of control due to a software error. The programmer responsible for it has been moved on to cleaning duties. They're just waiting for him to reach the top floor.

[Kai]

Whoa you need to calm the hell down sir

[Kai]

tanks in advance

[to75ne]

[Derek27]

I heard my neighbour arguing with her son. She gave in with, "Alright, go out in the garden, go and play with the lawnmower, go and get your legs sliced off. But don't come running back to me".

[firlandsfarm]

I heard my neighbour arguing with her son. She gave in with, "Alright, go out in the garden, go and play with the lawnmower, go and get your legs sliced off. But don't come running back to me".

[Derek27]

I heard my neighbour arguing with her son. She gave in with, "Alright, go out in the garden, go and play with the lawnmower, go and get your legs sliced off. But don't come running back to me".

I thought that was a Jasper Carrott joke, but I remember now. It was either Les Dennis or Dustin Gees impersonating Carrott.