OK well I've fucked up and I have fucked up big time. Excuse the language. To get straight to the point basically I've lost just over 5k in about 3 years through gambling/trading. 3.5k on credit cards and 2k loan I went halves with with my brother in law to pay off the credit cards. I guess the time has finally come to accept I have a gambling problem and now I'm seriously up the creek because I can't afford to make the payments. I've been not answering my calls for fear its collection agencies I've borrowed money from Xmas savings that I've had to replace with other money I can't afford and the worst thing of all I can't tell my better half or anyone else in my family and have been pretending everything is OK. I am at the end of my tether and I really really don't know what to do.
Sorry for posting this but I really needed to get it off my chest to someone.
Mike.
Help
Very sorry to hear that Mike, the first thing to do is stop betting, if you can't afford to pay your debts there is now thankfully help out there, start spending your time looking at that.
You'l start to feel better when you take your first steps to sorting it out.
All the best.
You'l start to feel better when you take your first steps to sorting it out.
All the best.
You have family, which means you have people that care about you - that's a good base to build from
I had a couple of financial situations in days gone by that seemed impossible to escape from, and telling someone close to you that you've fucked up is tough. I could handle my family or missus being angry with me, what I couldn't handle was them being disappointed in me.
You have 2 options once there's nowhere else to hide - you either face the truth and tell those closest to you, or option 2 you don't. Option 2 will lead you to a very dark, lonely, maybe final place. Whereas option 1 will always lead you to a light at the end of the tunnel you're currently in.
When I remember how I'd let my Rach down, I still feel bad about that and we ultimately went seperate ways.
However, it's true to say that things are never as bad as you think they are once you've had the guts to face your inner demons. Even though I still miss Rach now......when I think of all the amazing things I've done in life since, and the enjoyable life I have right now, it's incredible to remember a night when I sat against a tree stump drinking cider to dawn, trying to find the words to explain how I'd fucked up
Be brave Mike, and be honest (especially with yourself) - trading and betting isn't for you. If you need professional help there's plenty of organisations out there
I had a couple of financial situations in days gone by that seemed impossible to escape from, and telling someone close to you that you've fucked up is tough. I could handle my family or missus being angry with me, what I couldn't handle was them being disappointed in me.
You have 2 options once there's nowhere else to hide - you either face the truth and tell those closest to you, or option 2 you don't. Option 2 will lead you to a very dark, lonely, maybe final place. Whereas option 1 will always lead you to a light at the end of the tunnel you're currently in.
When I remember how I'd let my Rach down, I still feel bad about that and we ultimately went seperate ways.
However, it's true to say that things are never as bad as you think they are once you've had the guts to face your inner demons. Even though I still miss Rach now......when I think of all the amazing things I've done in life since, and the enjoyable life I have right now, it's incredible to remember a night when I sat against a tree stump drinking cider to dawn, trying to find the words to explain how I'd fucked up
Be brave Mike, and be honest (especially with yourself) - trading and betting isn't for you. If you need professional help there's plenty of organisations out there
Hi Mike
Sorry to hear about your problems. I’m sure they seem overwhelming to you at the moment, but there is no need at all to panic.
The first thing you need is some professional advice. Make an appointment with the debt advisor at your local branch of the Citizens’ Advice Bureau. Their service is completely free, and I can assure you they will have dealt with hundreds of cases very much worse than yours.
They will help draw up an agreement for a regular monthly payment to creditors you really can afford, which will be far lower than your payment demands are now. In most cases, credit card companies will also freeze the debt, so that no interest is charged on the amount you owe.
They will also advise you to prioritise your debts. Rent/mortgage and Council Tax are at the top of the list; credit cards and unsecured loans at the very bottom.
So whatever you do, don’t give the credit card companies money you can’t afford. Debts can mount very quickly if you do that. And guess what, the world doesn’t end if you don’t succumb to the credit card companies’ demands.
They may pester you with phone calls and make all sorts of dire threats in their letters, but unless a loan is secured on your property (which certainly won’t be the case with credit cards) their powers are actually extremely limited.
It’s extremely unlikely they would take you to court for a debt of your size, but even if they do please don’t worry. You won’t be facing anything resembling a criminal court. All that happens is that you sit round a table with a judge and discuss your financial situation. As long as you’ve made a genuine attempt to reach a creditors’ agreement, you will in the great majority of cases find them sympathetic to your cause.
The only thing that will suffer is your credit rating, but that can be rebuilt over time.
Finally, I would strongly advise you to discuss the situation with your nearest and dearest immediately. Apart from anything else, if you’re married, your debts are hers’ too. She may well be angry, disappointed and shocked, but I feel sure that if you show you are addressing the situation, she will, in the long run, be understanding.
You will come through this stronger together, and I’m sure you will over time be able to put all this behind you.
Good luck and best wishes
Richard
Sorry to hear about your problems. I’m sure they seem overwhelming to you at the moment, but there is no need at all to panic.
The first thing you need is some professional advice. Make an appointment with the debt advisor at your local branch of the Citizens’ Advice Bureau. Their service is completely free, and I can assure you they will have dealt with hundreds of cases very much worse than yours.
They will help draw up an agreement for a regular monthly payment to creditors you really can afford, which will be far lower than your payment demands are now. In most cases, credit card companies will also freeze the debt, so that no interest is charged on the amount you owe.
They will also advise you to prioritise your debts. Rent/mortgage and Council Tax are at the top of the list; credit cards and unsecured loans at the very bottom.
So whatever you do, don’t give the credit card companies money you can’t afford. Debts can mount very quickly if you do that. And guess what, the world doesn’t end if you don’t succumb to the credit card companies’ demands.
They may pester you with phone calls and make all sorts of dire threats in their letters, but unless a loan is secured on your property (which certainly won’t be the case with credit cards) their powers are actually extremely limited.
It’s extremely unlikely they would take you to court for a debt of your size, but even if they do please don’t worry. You won’t be facing anything resembling a criminal court. All that happens is that you sit round a table with a judge and discuss your financial situation. As long as you’ve made a genuine attempt to reach a creditors’ agreement, you will in the great majority of cases find them sympathetic to your cause.
The only thing that will suffer is your credit rating, but that can be rebuilt over time.
Finally, I would strongly advise you to discuss the situation with your nearest and dearest immediately. Apart from anything else, if you’re married, your debts are hers’ too. She may well be angry, disappointed and shocked, but I feel sure that if you show you are addressing the situation, she will, in the long run, be understanding.
You will come through this stronger together, and I’m sure you will over time be able to put all this behind you.
Good luck and best wishes
Richard
Hi Mike
I am sure a lot of people can relate to your situation. By posting your message you have already starting doing something about it. Realising you have a problem is a big step ... otherwise you can live in denial and only make matters worse.
I had to face up to a similar situation. After agonising for months I finally came clean with my family, arranged for my creditors to accept a repayment deal and moved to a different city for a new start. While the shame and guilt hangs around for a bit, the relief is instant.
You will get over this Mike ... we all fuck up and there are consequences but it doesn't mean you can't look forward and learn from your mistakes.
Hang in there.
I am sure a lot of people can relate to your situation. By posting your message you have already starting doing something about it. Realising you have a problem is a big step ... otherwise you can live in denial and only make matters worse.
I had to face up to a similar situation. After agonising for months I finally came clean with my family, arranged for my creditors to accept a repayment deal and moved to a different city for a new start. While the shame and guilt hangs around for a bit, the relief is instant.
You will get over this Mike ... we all fuck up and there are consequences but it doesn't mean you can't look forward and learn from your mistakes.
Hang in there.
Just to back up what fuzzer said - go to Citizens Advice with your financial picture, they deal with people struggling with money all the time, so will give you good impartial advice. Also, tell your creditors you can't pay - they also deal with this all the time. They will freeze your accounts and try to renegotiate a payment plan with you
You never mentioned though - are your debts/cards with official banks? Do you have debts with payday loan companies or local sharks? Also, are your debts unsecured, or do you have property tied to them? Are you married? because your wife could be liable for the debt too?
I lived totally beyond my means as a young lad - I was partying, visiting the casino, going on holidays, nice car. The girls flipping loved me, they thought I was loaded. In fact, I had 8 credit cards with a balance that was twice my actual salary. I never went bankrupt though, as all the card companies just froze my cards when they realised I was skint. They all accepted a ridiculously low payment plan and eventually I was OK
You never mentioned though - are your debts/cards with official banks? Do you have debts with payday loan companies or local sharks? Also, are your debts unsecured, or do you have property tied to them? Are you married? because your wife could be liable for the debt too?
I lived totally beyond my means as a young lad - I was partying, visiting the casino, going on holidays, nice car. The girls flipping loved me, they thought I was loaded. In fact, I had 8 credit cards with a balance that was twice my actual salary. I never went bankrupt though, as all the card companies just froze my cards when they realised I was skint. They all accepted a ridiculously low payment plan and eventually I was OK
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course2011
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Morning just wanted to say that it's a little overwhelming the support you have all given me and you don't even know me. I am still trying to process all the advice given. Quick answer to some questions raised. None of my debt is from non mainstream credit card companies ie Vanquis. I'm not married yet engaged. And I rent so nothing secured on a house.
Thanks again for all your replies
Thanks again for all your replies
Mike
As others have said get to CA and take note of their impartial advice.
To be honest as bad as your situation seems to you (and most of us have a very negative perspective on these things) without knowing everything on the face of it things could be an awful lot worse to me.
My brother got himself into all sorts of loan/card trouble 3 years ago but I worked it through with him and he's now doing very well and his situation was way worse than yours.
All is not lost get to CA and talk it through,keep fighting.
As others have said get to CA and take note of their impartial advice.
To be honest as bad as your situation seems to you (and most of us have a very negative perspective on these things) without knowing everything on the face of it things could be an awful lot worse to me.
My brother got himself into all sorts of loan/card trouble 3 years ago but I worked it through with him and he's now doing very well and his situation was way worse than yours.
All is not lost get to CA and talk it through,keep fighting.